3

"My heart feels like a piece of chalk in my throat" -Skim

I'm usually glad that I love to read - if nothing else it provides me with an escapism that is arguably healthier than my next favorite activity (sleep). And even though it infuritates me I suppose I am thankful too for those little electric moments where it feels like things have been pulled directly from me and put directly on paper in a much more eloquent fashion than I ever could have even dreamed of.

Music, words. The transition is seamless and suddenly makes more sense than ever to me.

I hope for the day that, instead of hiding behind ink and paper, I can open up my mouth without faltering. Calm my pulse enough to not let the words jumble so maybe they'll mean something to someone who isn't me.

2

When did I become so guarded?

Three different places and none exactly matches the other.

If I've got nothing to hide, then why am I so afraid?

Breadcrumbs that instead of leading you home lead you to three incomplete

pictures that need assembling in order to make any type of sense.

---

You still make me nervous.

The idea of getting comfortable makes me anything but -

a surefire way to guarantee that comfort will be fleeting.

It's all just so exhausting to care about..
As much as I don't want to admit it
the only two options are care or don't and with the way I am feeling
one is much simpler than the other.

I so desperately want to be proven wrong.